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On The Road: Truck Driver Humo r
When it comes to a truck driver’s sense of humor, it can be X-rated. Notoriously naughty. So we can’t repeat it here. But please stop us if you have heard this G-rated story:
A pastor and a truck driver are killed in a car accident. They both go to heaven.
An angel escorts them to their new home. A villa decorated with gold is where the truck driver is directed.
The angel escorts the pastor to a small wooden hut. Somewhat confused with his heavenly reward, the pastor asks why the driver was given a golden palace, while the faithful servant of God only got a wooden shack?
The angel explains:
“When you were preaching, people were sleeping, but when he was driving, everyone around was praying.”
As you might expect, truck driver humor often involves their favorite haunts. Like restaurants.
Here’s another you might not have heard:
An elderly couple goes to Burger King and shares their fries and burger. A trucker sitting next to them offers to pay for the old lady.
“It’s all right,” says the old man. “We always share everything.” On seeing that the old lady has not eaten anything, the trucker once again makes an offer.
The old man once again assures the trucker to stay calm and resumes eating.
Finally, the trucker asks the lady about not eating anything.
The old lady replies, “I am waiting for the teeth.”
Truck drivers like everyone else often like one-liner humor. And a company that sells used trucks is often a target.
Schneider is one example. It sells used products. And is often a target.
Why?
The answer may be on its web site, which has all kinds of caveats and says:
“All equipment is sold ‘as-is’, …without any warranty. All Sales are final, absolutely no returns or repairs. Stock photo’s do not represent the condition of the equipment and are only meant to represent the type of equipment. Any representation of condition or mileage.”
You get that warning, don’t you?
No wonder there’s jokes about it.
An example:
WHAT DOES A SCHNEIDER TRUCK AND A ORANGE BARREL HAVE IN COMMON? They both have a dirtbag in them!
But other truck related companies also are targets.
Roadway has also not been left out:
WHY DO ROADWAY TRUCKS HAVE ONLY ONE SEAT? So the driver knows which side to get in!
Other trucking companies as well such as Mack and JB Hunt also come up as humorous subjects:
DID YOU HEAR NAVISTAR INTERNATIONAL AND MACK ARE GOING TO MERGE?
The new company will be called corn-dog.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN JB HUNT LEAVES A TRUCKSTOP?
Two parking spaces!
WHY DID JB HUNT STOP HAULING DOUBLES?
The top one kept hitting bridges!
And back to Schneider:
HOW DO YOU SAY JB HUNT IN GERMAN?
Schneider!
And:
“As one might guess, the hyper-masculine truckers of America wanted X-rated humor that was profane, bawdy and explicit,” says Splitsider.
So truckers also developed a taste for recorded comedy, both of the standup and musical varieties, and thus was born an entire under-reported subculture of the humor business.
Truckers wanted comedy which reflected their own experiences on the road.
Truckers began buying more comedy CD’s than the numbers sold in record stores.
These recordings spoke the trucker’s own language in words and song.
Many of these often bawdy tunes were not sold in regular stores. Adults only. Risque.
Documentaries pointed out that many of these were unheard by most people outside the trucking industry who were not easily able to locate and buy them.
Funny enough, but here are some other trucker jokes about their familiar relationships with motorcyclists, cops and waitresses. And stop us if you have heard them…
—A trucker stops at a roadside diner for lunch and orders a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walk in.
One grabs the trucker’s cheeseburger, takes a huge bite. The second one drinks the trucker’s coffee, and the third eats his apple pie.
The truck driver does not say a word. He pays the bill and leaves.
As the waitress appears, one of the motorcyclists growls, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”
“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replies. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”
—-A trucker misses the turn-off before the low bridge and gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulls up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
—A trucker comes into a truck stop restaurant and places his order. “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The brand-new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, says to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. … What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
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“No,” the cook says. “Three flat tires means three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards is two slices of crisp bacon!”
“Oh … OK!” replays the waitress. She thinks about it for a moment and then spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.
The trucker asks, “What are the beans for?”
She replies, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
Finally, another one-liner that might serve as a real life motto:
WHAT IS A SWIFT DRIVER’S FAVORITE SAYING?
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if not for swift the right lane would rust!
By David Wilkening
